“If at First You Don’t Succeed…Cheat or be disqualified.”

That’s my family motto and it was developed and put into service by my aunts on one Christmas Eve long ago over a card table with a “Scrabble” board laid out between them. For those of you who have not witnessed the backstabbing, the double-dealing, and the fragile alliances tentatively made and then broken (over a vowel) then let me explain it to you; it’s the most vicious and sadistic thing you will ever see. But the family motto is useful in a lot of other areas of life — namely electoral politics and baseless claims of voter fraud.


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On their website, the arch-conservative Freedom Foundation used to feature a listing of voter-fraud cases nationwide. About half occurred in Texas local elections and featured hilarious examples of incompetence and bungling. Unfortunately, the Freedom Foundation webmaster realized people like me were reading these reports as comedy, so they dropped this feature.

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